Do Not Disturb episode
Kate Moyle on why we are all doing sex wrong
Psychosexual and relationship therapist Kate Moyle joins Simona for a practical, nuanced conversation about desire, intimacy, communication and the myths that make modern sex harder than it needs to be.
EpisodesRelationshipsMotherhood
The conversation
Kate Moyle brings a therapist's clarity to one of the least honestly discussed parts of adult life: sex inside real relationships. This episode looks at why desire changes, why communication can feel so loaded, and how couples can rebuild connection without shame or performance.
The conversation moves beyond easy advice. It asks what happens when intimacy is shaped by exhaustion, motherhood, pressure, comparison and the quiet scripts people carry into relationships.
Why it belongs on Do Not Disturb
Do Not Disturb is interested in the private reality beneath the polished exterior. Kate's work sits exactly there: the gap between how people think sex and intimacy should look, and what actually happens behind closed doors.
This page is for listeners looking for a grounded episode on desire, bodies, communication, emotional safety and the kind of intimacy that can survive real life.
Episode themes
Sex, desire, intimacy, relationship therapy, communication, motherhood, body image, shame, long-term relationships and emotional connection.
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Frequently asked questions
What is Kate Moyle’s Do Not Disturb episode about?
Psychosexual and relationship therapist Kate Moyle joins Simona Deifta to examine the myths, shame and communication patterns that shape desire and intimacy in modern relationships.
What topics does Kate Moyle discuss?
Sexual wellbeing, desire, shame, mismatched libidos and intimacy after parenthood.
Where can I listen to the full episode?
Listen to Kate Moyle on Do Not Disturb:
Read more conversations and ideas in The Edit:
Do Not Disturb · A podcast about motherhood
Kate Moyle:
Intimacy beyond the scorecard
Kate on desire, talking about sex and why comparing your relationship with a number rarely helps.
The Do Not Disturb edit
Three things to take with you.
Three ideas from the conversation, in our words.
Do
Say what feels good, what does not, and what you need.
Not
Grade your relationship against an arbitrary frequency of sex.
Disturb
The myth that desire must be spontaneous when a relationship is right.
When did intimacy become a scorecard?
Kate and Simona discuss the expectations people bring to sex and relationships, including the idea that desire should always happen spontaneously. They talk about saying what feels good and what you need.
The conversation moves away from measuring a relationship by how often a couple has sex and towards understanding the people in it.
What comes up
- Spontaneous desire and expectations
- Talking about sex and pleasure
- The pressure to compare relationships
Keep the conversation going
Anna Hushlak ↗
For how context and bodily agency shape desire.
Julie Menanno ↗
For the emotional patterns that shape connection with a partner.
More from Simona: get Simona’s Cultural Edit on Mondays →