Do Not Disturb: The Inside Story
Julie Menanno on Attachment, Conflict and Relationship Patterns
Therapist and author Julie Menanno joins Simona Deifta for a filmed long-form conversation about attachment, intimacy, conflict and the patterns that quietly decide how people love, protect themselves and disconnect.
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In this episode
Simona and Julie explore why couples repeat the same arguments, how attachment patterns shape intimacy, and what it takes to move from protection and disconnection into repair.
Themes in this conversation
Attachment styles and how they show up in relationships
The patterns that make conflict repeat
Why intimacy can feel threatening even when love is present
How couples can build safety, repair and communication
The emotional logic behind defensiveness and withdrawal
What repair can look like after disconnection
About Julie Menanno
Julie Menanno is a therapist, author and relationship expert known for her work on attachment and emotional connection. Her conversation on Do Not Disturb looks at the patterns beneath conflict, intimacy and repair.
About Do Not Disturb
Do Not Disturb: The Inside Story is a filmed long-form podcast hosted by Simona Deifta about modern female life beneath public success: motherhood, ambition, identity, relationships, money, fertility, burnout, emotional resilience and reinvention.
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Frequently asked questions
What is Julie Menanno’s Do Not Disturb episode about?
Therapist and author Julie Menanno joins Simona Deifta to explain how attachment patterns sit beneath everyday conflict—and what couples can do to rebuild emotional safety, intimacy and repair.
What topics does the conversation cover?
Attachment, emotional safety, conflict, intimacy and repair.
Where can I watch or listen?
Watch the filmed conversation on YouTube. Listen to the exact episode here: https://shows.acast.com/do-not-disturb-the-inside-story/episodes/the-1-relationship-killer-and-how-to-stop-it-julie-menanno
Continue with The Edit: https://www.donotdisturbpodcast.com/the-edit
Do Not Disturb · A podcast about motherhood
Julie Menanno:
The pattern beneath the argument
The same argument, again. Julie Menanno on the needs underneath it and the pattern both people can get caught in.
The Do Not Disturb edit
Three things to take with you.
Three ideas from the conversation, in our words.
Do
Look for the need beneath a recurring disagreement.
Not
Make winning an argument more important than understanding each other.
Disturb
The habit of treating a partner as the problem instead of examining the cycle.
What are you really arguing about?
Julie and Simona discuss attachment, conflict and the cycles couples repeat. Julie talks about looking for the need beneath a disagreement, instead of concentrating on who is right.
The conversation asks what changes when a couple starts looking at the pattern between them, and how they can find a way back to each other after a difficult exchange.
What comes up
- Attachment and recurring arguments
- The need underneath the disagreement
- Repairing after conflict
Keep the conversation going
Kate Moyle ↗
For more direct conversations about intimacy and needs.
Danni Menzies ↗
For taking relationship behaviour seriously, beyond the promises.
More from Simona: get Simona’s Cultural Edit on Mondays →